Often we find ourselves caught in a net of urgency, struggling to keep up with the day-to-day and with no time for what really matters. In this sense we will have to learn to identify the really important tasks and delegate or eliminate those that are not.
In the middle of an event I was running with about 200 people in attendance, a mentor of mine told me that MY lack of planning was not HER emergency. I was appalled, offended, and angry by what I perceived as her lack of support at the time, but - with 200 people guests gathered- I just continued rushing through with the event. But, those words have been a guiding light for me since the moment she gifted me with them.
All my undergraduates students have begun their semester with me with the same required reading regardless of course, Tyranny of the Urgent by Charles Hummel. I assign it so we all agree to using the same terminology as we journey through the next few months together. Hummel points out that we often have jumbled priorities, fail to evaluate appropriately, and live within a constant tension of all the “important things” creating demanding pressures every hour of every day. Teaching a class in a semester means I get to walk alongside people for about 13-15 weeks at a time, which inevitably means, I will hear about an “emergency” and listen to how “it” prevented the student from completing an assignment or two or three.
Working in an emergency room for 20 years showed me various ways in which life happens every hour of every day so I do not need much convincing to understand how something can rise to the level of emergency. However, I do disagree that all things that FEEL like emergencies ARE emergencies.
In an emergency situation we might feel fear, anxiety, confusion, dread, sadness, powerlessness, frustration, hopelessness, solitude, guilt, among many other emotions. Those feelings are real. I want to invite us to know WHY we are feeling them - and when appropriate, how we might avoid this “place” we might be in.
We cannot avoid life’s accidents and knowing how to cope when tragedy arrives in our lives is vital. But, way more often than not, I continue to see the outcome of poor choices that created the perfect scenario for the above mentioned feelings, when it was completely preventable or based on a false premise.
A loss (a loss of a loved one, a loss of good health, a loss of a limb) will trigger emotions common with grief’s journey. These emotions are not based on a false premise.
The path forward will mean learning how to coexist alongside the loss.
A false premise example might be the sense of missing out on something because there is a (real or imagined) ticker counting down feeding a delusion of importance. Advertisers and Marketers know that countdown timers absolutely prompt us to take actions by generating emotional responses that they capitalize on.
Why should we resist?
At Zoe Network we want to help you live with integrity and that means living in alignment with your values and feeling safe and secure in your decision making.
Noise comes to us from all directions but there is also an inner truth & wisdom that seeks to guide our lives. We might initially feel comfortable going with the flow and allowing others to decide for us. But, when we go against our inner voice, we feel discomfort, resentment, regret, frustration, and loneliness. Living with integrity means living with awareness of our values and evaluating effectively how and what things are in alignment.
So how do we resist?
The practice for us is to recognize the values we have, the emotions that rise within us, and use wisdom to make decisions so we can (a) take ownership of our decision making and (b) feel at peace with our decisions. There is no need to add more time to our days if we learn to make better choices with the amount of time we have.
My favorite practice with clients is to take some time to identify 4 different quadrants that allow for most things on our “to-do” lists to go.
URGENT | NOT URGENT | |
IMPORTANT | 1 Important Urgent | 2 Important Not Urgent |
NOT IMPORTANT | 3 Not Important Urgent | 4 Not Important Not Urgent |
Life events will inevitably shift things between quadrants (for example, a relocation, a scheduled medical procedure, a child leaving for college, a spouse's birthday) and so the practice involves being mindful of the present (atención plena al presente) and a willingness to prioritize with intention as one acknowledges the limitation of time and space to prioritize effectively.
Previously, we have discussed the fact that some things are not in our control and encouraged the practice of creating a plan of acceptance for such things, which means those things should not appear anywhere in these quadrants. This urgency-importance quadrant practice seeks to invite your inner wisdom to rise and help guide your decision making.
It is perfectly acceptable to have different priorities and it is important to know your own in order to feel comfortable with yourself. That day of my 200 person event, it was absolutely vital that I respect my mentor’s choice to stay focused on her work and resist my call because that was the right thing for her to do.
In that moment, the only choice I have to make when someone establishes a boundary is (1) respect it or (2) not respect it. Of course, in that moment, my 25-year-old poorly-planned little self did NOT like the response, but it was such a powerful lesson I have passed it on thousands of times forward.
You have the right to set your boundaries. You have the right to have your boundaries respected. You have the wisdom to set your priorities. You deserve to discern what is urgent and important to you and focus on that first. Noise outside us will not lower itself because it feeds off of unaware, non-prioritized, easily-distracted, gullible consumers who attach themselves to strategically placed messaging that change rapidly, cloud our judgment, and rarely focus or take into account holistic wellbeing.
Create the time in your day to add this practice to your daily routine and when something arises, add the quick step of asking yourself, in which of my quadrants would this go?
Your time is precious. Your priorities are valid. You know your capacity best. And you deserve to accomplish your goals.
If you would like support in understanding your patterns and clarifying your goals, we are here to walk alongside you. For more about our team visit www.zoenetwork.mx
and follow us on social media for more tips to help support your journey.
Alexandra Zareth
Founding Director Zoe Network
Comments