Everyone is pulled in so many directions that it's not really clear what to focus on, because everything sounds equally urgent and important. Here are some guidelines to help you manage your mind much better in times of pressure.
Chime. Ring. Click. Buzz. Music.
News. Alert. Notification. Scroll. Search. Bell.
Do you hear it all?
Does it call you?
What is it exactly?
It’s hard to identify “it” sometimes but I can suspect that you, like everyone else, are pulled in so many directions it is actually really unclear what to focus on at all, because all sounds equally urgent and important. Studies show that when we are in a hurry we are less likely to even do what we SAY we want to do. Frankly, we all know that when we are under stress we are not as friendly or patient and certainly not kind and we do not need a study to tell us that.
But, while YES, times have changed; we are still responsible for organizing our time and creating the spaces we need for ourselves and there are practical ways to do that but first let’s begin with the why.
All my recent therapy sessions have had 3 things in common:
(1) constraints,
(2) a physical-body response, and
(3) overextension.
All my recent sessions have had in common this “constraining” feeling - individuals knew there were pressures and there were either deadlines, or meaning dates, regulations they were trying to abide by, there was a lack of access to something or someone that meant these individuals felt constrained, stressed, pushed, pressured, and held back. These constraints then lead to internal feelings such as limited, stuck, frustrated, impotent, lost, sad, heartbroken, and many other feelings. And, while the feelings were appropriate emotional responses to their constraints, what is unhealthy, unhelpful, unproductive is to limit our thinking patterns to the things that ARE containing. Yes, we must acknowledge it but we must absolutely not stay there. What we focus on, grows; so we must -as a matter of practice- to shift our focus from the constraint to the solution and path forward.
All these clients also recently noticed at least 3 physical- body responses such as changes in sleep, appetite, and tiredness and that makes sense because our hearts and minds carry our emotional burdens and those burdens spread through our bodies and disrupt the natural processes in our bodies that could potentially help heal and restore us. Our bodies sometimes seem to respond separately from our minds or in ways that seem uncooperative. “I should not feel this tired… I don’t know why I have had a headache for so long…” Often we think there is no connection but we are living beings made up of organs that all work together. So whether we acknowledge it or not, our bodies will remind us of the truth we carry in various ways.
The third commonality among these recent clients was their complete overextension. They all felt that sleep and food were things they could postpone or limit, if they thought of them at all. They were also doing their part plus things that others should have done but for a variety of reasons, others were not doing it, which then led to these individuals trying to carry the entire load themselves. There are limits to what we can do. Productivity and output can be measured in so many ways, we have forgotten that we are human beings with limited capacities and living within a set time frame - a 24 hour time frame, to be exact. Every time we add something to our list of things to do, it takes time and energy that will affect the time and energy we could have and would have places elsewhere. Companies promise us energy drinks as part of supply-demand capitalism but even those boosts come at a bodily price and are unsustainable over long periods of time. An over-extension can be a natural response to an emergency situation (an emergency will fill our systems with adrenaline that maintains our senses in focus) but we have a natural (and appropriate) bodily crash that resets our systems. This makes over-extrensions a poor choice because it is ineffective, unsustainable, and ultimately unkind to yourself.
We vary from one another as much as these clients varied from each other in these sessions. We represent different levels of education, locations, professions, ages and even what we might identify as a “presenting problem,” which is what we (therapists) call what clients identify as why they are seeking help. Stil, the commonalities are striking and we seek to show up in the world better in ways – ways that are healthier and stronger and with greater capacity to contribute to the world we are in. For that reason, we can and will take a quick moment to learn some things that can help.
Step one is to slow down and breathe.
Stop.
Take a deep breath in.
Hold it for as long as you can.
And release your breath as slowly as possible.
Repeat.
Coach Annabella taught us boxed-breathing recently and simply breathing deeply, holding it for as long as you can and releasing it as slowly as possible 3 times is enough to send plenty of newly-energized neurons from your lungs through your heart up and up to your brain to signal to your brain to slow down.
Step two is to determine what is in your control and what is out of your control.
So many of my recent connections fret and lose sleep or have a shift in appetite because of things that are completely out of their control.
Replaying things in our minds that are out of our control (for example: weather, other people’s behaviors/thoughts, the past) does cause real emotional responses that lead and physical responses such as sleep changes, headaches, tiredness, mood changes, indigestion, and muscle pains -among so many other real physical symptoms. But do not stay there. Differentiate between the things that you do have control over and what you do not have control over so you can then take the 3rd and final steps for this exercise.
Step three is to create a plan. Things that are in our control get a plan of action and the things out of our control need a plan for acceptance.
The only path forward for things outside of our control is to accept that it is beyond our scope to shift. We must come to terms with that limitation and find a way to reconcile that within us so we can release the energy into more generative spaces in our lives. Things in our control deserve the undivided attention and energy we currently might have scattered about and hovering over senseless & tiring situations that rob us of peace, time, and energy. Rituals help mark moments and create paths to acceptance - perhaps writing emotions on a paper you can shred will help you move past that difficult experience. Perhaps cutting your hair will help reset your own reflection in the mirror as you step into a new (unplanned) season in your life you may not have been expecting. Acknowledge the things you cannot control. Make space for the emotions to rise and flow out of spaces they might be trapped in. These moments allow your mind, heart, and energy to shift into the things in your control – things that are important, things that are generative, things that are worthy of all of you.
If you would like support, we are here to help guide you in this direction because we know it is possible.
You deserve it. We see you and value you.
Help yourself to other resources we have available and let us know how we can support your journey.
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