Jul 273 min read

Lessons in loneliness and trust

The annual cycle of birthdays can be a great opportunity for personal growth and inner reflection. Taking advantage of this moment provides us with lessons in loneliness and trust that can be transformed into an enriching experience for the next cycles of our life.

Have you ever looked forward to an event and dreaded it at the same time? This is where I am. It is July. My birthday is coming. I am turning 65, and I am at a loss.

My personal tradition is to take the whole month of July to celebrate. One might consider this excessive. But it was my way of controlling what could not be controlled. When I was 9, I had to share my birthday with the first Apollo Moon landing – and no one remembered my birthday. No one. Not even my mother, sisters, dad. I was alone that day.

After that, I decided that would not happen to me again and I took control. I celebrate every day in July. Whatever I am doing, I am using that day to celebrate. I offer myself any little thing in gratitude for my birthday. I share my birthday with others. I could see it was fun, but maybe there is something else underneath this.

Could it be loneliness? A distrust in Life?

And now this year, the loneliness seems to be shouting. There was a trust in life and others being there for me was taken when I was 9. Can I now reparent myself to its restoration?

In Katherine Woodward Thomas "Calling in The One", she attributes the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, " If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

Maybe a new strategy is needed? Not one to waste an opportunity, can I let this transition show me a new way, call forth what is within? Is this a calling for greater trust in life and others? An opportunity to attune to myself my deeply, to open to others.

Katherine’s questions provide a good guide to call forth what is within.

I invite you to take this opportunity to explore.

Take a moment, get your favorite pen, turn to your journal and ask yourself?

What have I been turning away from in myself, reluctant to own fully?
What parts of me have I been unwilling to express freely?
What has it been costing me to hide these parts from myself?

And then,

What parts of myself do I want to turn toward and express more fully?
What would I need to give up in order to do this?
What might the reward be for myself and others to express these parts of me more fully?

Transitions are normal. We all have them. These present themselves as opportunities to reflect, to consider different or new choices. They may be scary. We don’t know what is on the other side. Maybe we need a little help, a witness, someone to help us get there. However we get there, I would invite us, me included, to consider this an opportunity to believe in a new way, a way to live our next phase with increasing authenticity and joy, a way that trusts that Life does truly care, does have my back.