Fostering a Growth Mindset in oneself or others involves changing the way challenges and effort are perceived; it can have a profound and positive impact on people's lives, helping them to reach their potential and live a fuller, more satisfying life.
It was a hot late spring afternoon and I was taking a midafternoon break, walking on an asphalt paved sidewalk.
From a short distance, I could see up ahead a little grouping of green, coming up through the asphalt. I was surprised because there wasn’t a crack, really, it was shooting straight through.
I was just thinking about the growth mindset so this little cluster startled me. I then started to wonder about the opposite? What might keep us from growing when faced with this colossally thick material above me? What might keep us stuck and in the safety of the dark space underneath the ground? What are the obstacles to growth, and also, maybe related, our resistance to growth?
If growth is the natural way of life, why is that so many of us, me included, resist it. In my practice, I see clients that want to grow, and yet, they have this feeling of stuckness. Often, it may be that until you reach out for help, you may not indeed be able to get out.
I understand how so many of us go to the default question, why is this happening to me? Why can’t I get love, get the job, get the house? I invite us to ask different type of question So Instead of asking the ‘why’ question, let’s try a ‘what’ question.
So a better question might be, What is it costing me to stay like this? Who benefits? For example, for me, for example, what is it costing me in staying stuck is missed opportunities, Who benefits-- Me. How is that? because I get to stay small and stay within my comfort zone. And there it is- Staying safe. While this may have been a very good strategy for so many of us when we were younger, as adults, this survival strategy often keeps us playing small.
Another set of questions we might explore to help us with this stuckness. Is it Fear, like of the unknown? Is it Obligation, to something or someone, or the past, (someone who has passed that you promised something to? Or is it Guilt, maybe you do not allow yourself to succeed or grow because someone else did or did not?
These are some of the ways we might stay stuck. Please know that our stuckness is not something we need to ‘fight ’or resist, it keeps us safe. And life is always seeking growth, seeking creativity, it seeks to be transformed. It seeks to expand, be unstuck . That is the calling. It is not but, it is AND.
Some questions for you to explore within your resistance: Take out your journal. Set some nice soft music that is a favorite for you. It might be nice to even have a candle. I love candles for relaxing. Take a few deep slow breaths.
What is the fear that is dominating me that is keeping me from growing?
What obligations do I feel compelled to fulfill that do not serve me in my own growth?
In what ways might I be allowing myself to be manipulated to keep me from being me?
What boundaries might I set to increase wellness with myself and with others?
What do I need to give upon order to restore my own sense of wellness and connection to myself?
Always, I invite you stay curious. Curiosity is a growth strategy. It allows for discovery, without judgement and shame. Life always wants growth. Life is ever creative. I invite us to align with that energy and desire and be a Yes to that desire to break through what might be keeping us stuck. That asphalt is tough, but it possible, with a little curiosity.
Suggested ReferencesCalling in “The One”: Seven Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, Katherine Woodward Thomas , 2021.
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol S Dweck, PhD., 2016.
Annabella Roig, MS, MPH
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